Sorting the Spaghetti or the Beauty of the Aware Ego Process (Book Snippet 29)
Initially, when we first become aware of the selves, it can feel like being caught in the middle of a pile of entangled spaghetti. We have trouble identifying distinct voices and our thought process feels conflicted and confused. This feeling of confusion usually passes, once we have made contact with the first self and begin to see the distinct perspective of each of our selves.
Our emotions are the consequences of our thoughts. Since most of our thinking happens without the involvement of consciousness, our thoughts are largely opaque to us. By engaging in the dialogue with our selves, we begin to discover what this part is thinking and which emotion is created as a result. The parts are often astonished and relieved when they are invited to speak uninterrupted and without being judged. What each part has to say can sound familiar, surprising, and sometimes shocking, but hearing the ‘truth’ of one of our parts nearly always furthers our sense of clarity and understanding. Once we return to the driver’s seat, we gently disassociate from the part we dialogued with. Now, we can look at the thoughts and emotions of this part from a balcony perspective instead of being locked into its experience of reality. To understand that this is one perspective within us and not everything we are, believe or want, can feel incredibly liberating. Each self we make peace with enables us to reclaim another human quality in the big pond of the human existence.
This dance between associating and disassociating from our selves is aptly named the Aware Ego Process. To experience the Aware Ego Processis a quantum leap in consciousness; instead of operating on autopilot and being victim to different selves hijacking our thoughts and feelings, we develop the ability to be aware of and play with their different energies. The Aware Ego Process thus consists of three interwoven stages: awareness(to observe our selves), experience (to feel and be in the energy of our selves), and action (to be in the driver’s seat and act out of choice).
The Aware Ego Process is not another self, not a fixed state to be achieved or mastered, but rather a life-long process that is constantly in flux. We move in and out of awareness, in and out of experience, and in and out of conscious choice. Looking at my voices instead of being stuck in them, I transform that which was subject (this is me) to object (this is a part of me). This wondrous sensation of becoming witness to my own inner processes relieves me from the compulsion to act on every voice’s whim.
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